My Purpose is in His Nature

My trip to zanzibar was about searching and communion. I wanted to see God, hear from Him, experience Him. I mean it was a vacation too because what a bloody year but I wanted more to realign myself with my purpose than to do nothing all day.  And perhaps to rediscover my purpose. At the time I left Lagos I was seriously burnt out. Work had been shit for a little while, I had just ventured at THSC and lost quite a bit of money (no regrets LMAO!) and I was just tired. But my soul was seeking alignment with God and so I was looking forward to spending days (most likely drunk) and listening for God.

So I went to Zanzibar with questions about my business, about myself, my life, my purpose, my relationships (both romantic and otherwise) and everything else that I could raise enough questions about. Now Zanzibar was not the original vacation I had planed but when France bounced my schengen visa application I was like you know what? Zanzibar. And oh how I found everything there.  Not all the answers to my questions but the most important answer. The one about my purpose. To be honest it was only until this morning that it became clear even though I had receive word during my quiet times literearily tugging at the hem of God, face open an waiting albeit impatiently like an expectant child. Oh how He loves me.

I asked and asked and asked. I admitted my failures, my insecurities, my lust, my jealousy, my self-ambition, my pride, my every humanness. At some point I looked out into the darkness and said "well this is what you created so now what?" The first what I heard from Him was REMOVE THYSELF. And so I asked Him over and over again, trying to understand what exactly that meant. Remove myself as per? I built all thesed scenarios in my head especially after constantly seeing all my instagram role models shouting "for His glory" all day every day. And I asked Him, do I not do all that I do so that You would be glorified? The response….. REMOVE YOURSELF. Oh boy… I pondered and pondered and asked and asked. As I asked more and more, I felt parts of my pride, my self-actualisation ambitions being stripped away. It felt like layers and layers were being pulled away from me and still all I heard was REMOVE YOURSELF.

To be honest, I do not know when the clarity eventually came. Maybe it was the post about sin and the urging to respond to it. Maybe it was the DM I received commending me and encouraging me, maybe it was the vastness of the Indian ocean and the more and more realisation of His love, maybe it was reading Pastor Nuel's book aginst the backdrop of what was clearly God's nature. I don't know. But this morning, the revelation of my purpose and perhaps the chief purpose of all humans having been made in His image is in His nature. As He is, so we are (to be) in this world.  And every way that is an expression of His nature gives purpose to our lives. To my life. I must Love, love and love. In my work, in my life. In everything that is tied to me, my purpose is to be Him. To express His nature. I know that I will receive more clarity for the other questions that I asked. But for today, my purpose is in His nature and I am thankful for that.

So what next? Learn more and more about Him. Spend more time with Him getting to know His nature, letting Him express his nature through me. As He is, so I must be in this world.

*written 29 November 2017